My son, the slot machine

August 24, 2008

I was chatting on the phone one day this week, about 8:40 am when I hear retching from the bathroom. At first, I think it’s Princess E sneezing (she always makes a great big deal out of a nose tickle). Then it continues. Still chatting on the phone, I get up to see what the ruckus is. There’s Mookie, in the bathroom throwing up. Fix that scene in your mind. Me, on the phone. Mookie, puking.
Mommy: What happened? Did you eat something bad? (For some reason, little ones hide food, then find it later and eat it. Yuk).

Mookie: (yuuuurk, yuurrk into the toilet) I swallowed a penny.

Mommy: WHAT? YOU SWALLOWED A PENNY???? (into the phone): I gotta go.

Apparently this penny was stuck in his esophagus, because he could talk and breathe, but it was truly disconcerting to hear him retching, trying to get the thing up. I call, not the ambulance, not the doctor, but ….. Mom. Not home???? Ok, I’ll talk to Dad. Second best, I know, but hey, that’s life.

Me: ohmygoodnessdadmookieswallowedapennyandhe’sretchingandIdon’tknow should I call the ambulance, but it’s not really an emergency and–

My dad: What? Slow down!

Me: Mookie swallowed a penny.

My dad: Ok, (proceeds to give instructions that I can’t follow and don’t really work, probably because I’m panicked and not doing it right and basically not listening) Meanwhile, Princess E and Mr. J, both in various stages of undress, wander in and look at their mom, sweaty and talking fast into the phone. And their retching brother.

I call my husband and say: Mookie swallowed a penny and he’s retching.

Hubby: (OK, I have no idea what he said. Something about the Heimlich maneuver whereupon I scream, it’s in his esophagus, not his trachea, didn’t you take anatomy in school???? Didn’t you watch ER when it was popular? Not like now when George Clooney is no longer on the show?) I hang up.

Where’s my MOM????

To kidlets:
Mommy: Get dressed, get dressed!!! We have to take Mookie to the doctor!!!!
Damn if Princess E finds some pants and pulls on some shoes. You go, girl, no fooling around with her, she knew Mommy was SERIOUS!!

Mr. J is adorned with a pair of mismatched socks, sneakers and a PJ shirt and old shorts. I find a belt from a robe to tie around my hair. Don’t wanna get to the emergency room looking like a bad Pam Grier wig.(Since I’m natural, my hair needs a bit of taming in the morning, something I hadn’t gotten too yet, not knowing that my son would become a SLOT MACHINE) We all run out the door. Mookie is barefoot, with shoes in his hand. Retching, retching. Every time I hear it, I say, “You’re gonna be all right Mookie, OK? OK?” (Inside, my stomach is clenching)

Get to Dr. office. Dad calls my cell phone.
Me: “Hello?”
Dad: (he says the magic word) Your MOTHER is on her way over.

Guess what folks, mom is coming. I LEAVE the doc’s office and go BACK home. Mom assesses the situation – (I am SO glad to be the daughter of a firefighter and a nurse), takes the two little ones and I rush Mookie back to the doctor’s office. I go in, and say, “my son swallowed a penny”
We get shown into a room right way and I’m so hopeful that a doctor will run right in. Nope. We wait. And wait.

Nurse comes in – asks questions, are you allergic etc. etc. Writing stuff on her little chart.
We wait some more. Gee, they have that vaccination for girls here. Whoopee. And look, I can get a whooping cough shot. Yay.

Guess what folks – compassion is dead. They want my INSURANCE CARD. Now mind you, it’s not like I’m off the street. I’ve been to this doc. THEY KNOW ME. But they want that insurance card and co – pay. Ooooo, yes, get that co-pay.

The first thing the doc asks me is “Does he always drool like this?” Mind you, Mookie is NOT swallowing because it hurts to swallow. He’s got something STUCK in there, Ms. Board Certified Doc. No, my son does NOT usually drool like that. She looks in his mouth, in his ears(?) (Maybe she’s thinking the quarter will pop out of one of them.

I show Mookie a handful of change. “Show me what you swallowed.” Meanwhile, I’m thinking, not the quarter, not the quarter, not the quart – “ this one” he points. THE QUARTER. Holy Jeez.
Ms. Board Certified Doc says - “Take him to the emergency room.” Oh, really? Wow. That’s why you went to med. school, right? Enjoy my 10 dollar co pay!!!!! You can buy two Subway sandwiches with that.

Of course, I’m the dummy for not clarifying exactly what he swallowed, but thanks for making 120 bucks off three minutes of looking and KNOWING you wouldn’t be able to do something. (Why the heck did she look in his ears?????)

Anyway, off to the emergency room. Whoooooooo HOOOOOOO what a ride. I can’t remember how to get there, so I call hubby. Mind you I’ve had three children at this hospital, but I had no idea how to get there.

Me: I don’t know how to get to the emergency room. I’m on Martine Ave. going north.
DH: Gives directions and is trying to talk me down. Wild ride through the reservation, up the hill to the hospital.

I park – thank goodness they had a parking space in the lot - and GO TO THE WRONG ENTRANCE. What the heck do I know?

Luckily, the ambulance attendants code me in and leads us through the halls to triage. The attendant there says to Mookie – “What, you wanted to hit the jackpot?” I laughed. I knew everything was going to be OK – cuz I made it to the hospital and Mom had the kids.

So, long story short. Arrived in emergency room at 10 am – X-ray, etc. meanwhile Mookie’s spitting in a cup. They give my little baby an IV (Good Lord) and then they tell me …..they’ve gotta go in. Touch your throat where the two bones of your collarbone come together. Yup. Stuck right there.
Ok, I’m real cool. NOOOOO problem. Just go down my kid’s throat and get that change. Cool. Can I watch?
I ask the nurse what they’ll give him. “Oh they’ll sedate him.” Cool “Do I get sedated too?” She laughed. (I wasn’t kidding).

DH shows up about 12. Gets us lunch. Feel bad about eating in front of Mookie, but I’m starving.
1:45. Two nurses from the OR come in, ready to wheel Mookie down to the OPERATING ROOM. Holy crap. Mookie looks at them. Coughs. Retches twice, spits.

“I don’t feel the quarter any more. My throat feels better.” First words he said since “Imma tell Princess E” when he got the IV at 11 am.

Take another Xray – the quarter is in his stomach. My Lord, what a DAY!
Get home – 4:30, my mom has cleaned the living room and the kitchen and both kiddies are asleep.
Now, we wait for the quarter to , ahem, pass.

Next time, I’m writing him a check from the tooth fairy!!!

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